


I Think That God Is Gonna Have To Kill Me Twice

by RiverBottomNightmare



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Naomi (Supernatural), Angst, Hurt, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Mean Naomi (Supernatural), One Shot, Short One Shot, Sorry guys, i actually hate her so, naomi is a bad guy, no happy ending, supernatural anthology, this one's just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 05:09:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21010253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverBottomNightmare/pseuds/RiverBottomNightmare
Summary: “His name is Castiel.”Zerachiel’s wings stilled in confusion before she started chuckling. “Castiel. Good one. So, what do you really need me for?” Naomi continued to look at her with the same smile before Zerachiel froze. “But…Castiel doesn’t exist. He’s not real. He’s just a story to warn angels about how falling from Heaven has dire consequences, so they shouldn’t do that.”"He's real enough. And we have him under control."“How did you stop him from fighting? According to the stories, he was Heaven’s greatest warrior.”“Torture, Zerachiel. Torture,” Naomi’s voice was predatory. “Not a hint of what Castiel used to be remains today. And we want to keep it that way.”





	I Think That God Is Gonna Have To Kill Me Twice

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys.....I'm back. After like years. Oops.
> 
> And I'm posting for an entirely different fandom now, wow. I've actually always been in the Supernatural fandom, FYI, I just never posted anything because everyone else in this fandom is so incredibly talented. But I decided to just suck it up and do the thing.
> 
> Anyways, this is literally my To Hell And Back Anthology submission (I'm doing the thing, yay!!!) I had to work super hard to keep it short, so it's only like 2000 words. 
> 
> You guys probably don't care, you just want to read the thing (hopefully) or curse me out. Well, either is welcome. Enjoy the fic!

Zerachiel fluttered her wings nervously as she entered Heaven’s prison wing, trying to keep them still. She had been here numerous times before, but never in the restricted section. Only the highest-ranking angels were permitted to visit the high-profile prisoners. Of course, the only reason she was down here was because Naomi was by her side. Metaphorically. Literally, Naomi was always in front of everyone, as the ruler of Heaven should be, but she had needed Zerachiel’s skills for a particular mission, so now Zerachiel was walking down the corridor trying to keep her wings steady and her grace in check. 

Up ahead, there was a crack in the wall leading down to the floor, pitch black against Heaven’s white walls. Zerachiel had heard rumors saying all the cracks were from when Lucifer invaded Heaven. Obviously, Zerachiel didn’t believe them, but the crack was inky and mesmerising, and made one wonder… . Naomi walked forward unhesitantly, heels clicking powerfully on the marble, stepping neatly over the crack. Zerachiel struggled to keep up.

As she passed prison cell after prison cell, Zerachiel let her mind wander. She tried to picture a scenario where Naomi needed  _ her  _ help, but nothing came to mind. The fact that Naomi had given her absolutely no information didn’t help. She stared at the prison cells she had never seen before instead, each one becoming increasingly secure with spells and bindings the further she travelled. One of these cells used to hold Gadreel, the infamous traitor to Heaven who tried his best to atone for his mistakes. Another used to hold Metatron, another infamous traitor to Heaven. Cambiel had once told her, “Metatron can go fuck off to Hell with the likes of the tortured souls he personifies.” Metatron wasn’t exactly popular. 

Then there was the rumor that  _ He _ was once held down here. Zerachiel knew this was foolish, because  _ He  _ wasn’t even a real angel.  _ He  _ was just a cautionary tale fabricated to frighten angels into never rebelling against Heaven.

Zerachiel was so lost in her own thoughts that she almost ran into Naomi, straightening herself at the last minute. The hallway was widening, and there were eight guards standing at rapt attention. They carefully scanned Zerachiel and Naomi’s bodies and graces for security. It was, however, rather impossible to replicate Naomi’s grace. 

“We’re here,” Naomi stopped in front of a door, and Zerachiel looked around for others before she realized that there was only one door, stamped “ 1 ”. This entire part of the prison, along with eight guards, was to contain _ one _ prisoner. It interested and frightened her. “You remember your mission?”

“You never mentioned any specifics, only that you needed my help,” Zerachiel twitched her wings nervously. She tried to hold them still, Naomi respected confidence.

Naomi’s lips curved into a smile, and Zerachiel felt like she passed a test she didn’t know she was taking. Knowing Naomi, that’s exactly what happened. “No, I didn’t mention anything. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

Zerachiel blinked for a couple times before letting out a disbelieving laugh. “I’m a warrior, Naomi. Surely you know this? I thought it was why you chose me to help you.”

“Among other reasons.”

“Why would I be scared?”

Instead of answering that particular question, Naomi handed her a file, complete with a  _ RESTRICTED  _ stamp and a bent paper-clip at the top. Zerachiel opened the file and found herself reading along to Naomi explanations. 

“One human structure, a Men of Letters bunker, has suddenly reported signs of activity for the first time in over a century. As you know, Men of Letters bunkers are heavily warded, so standard angels such as yourself cannot enter and eliminate the threat. However, we do have an angel in prison who can.”

Zerachiel’s grace swirled slightly in confusion. “How can they enter warded bunkers if they’re an angel? And if they’re this powerful and you’re still going to them for help, why are they locked up?”

“He’s special,” Naomi responded to all three. 

“Can you at least tell me who they are?”

At this, Naomi turned and gave her a smile, cruel and cold. “His name is Castiel.”

Zerachiel’s wings stilled in confusion before she started chuckling. “ _ Castiel _ . Good one. So, what do you really need me for?” Naomi continued to look at her with the same smile before Zerachiel froze. “But…Castiel doesn’t exist.  _ He’s _ not real.  _ He’s _ just a story to warn angels about how falling from Heaven has dire consequences, so they shouldn’t do that.”

“Wrong again.” Naomi’s face was almost wistful. “He was a real angel, an exemplary one at that. However, when he started caring for the humans more than God, he fell from Heaven. In every way possible.”

“Wait, so if Castiel is real, does that mean Sam and Dean Winchester are, too?” Zerachiel asked, eyes wide.

“Yes they were. They worked together. Amazing hunters. Surely you must have seen their heavens. Now, let’s get back to the situation at hand. We’ve been keeping Castiel heavily sedated through the years. No one knows what he might do if he regained consciousness, he might even attack Heaven. That’s why we don’t take chances, ever. You’ll have to be just as careful in controlling him.”

Zerachiel blanched and stepped back, wings flapping more than fluttering now. “You want  _ me _ to control  _ him? _ ”

Naomi arched one perfectly pointed eyebrow at her. “We selected you not only for your skill in battle but for your prowess in mental spells. We have Castiel pliant enough for you to bind his grace.”

“How did you stop him from fighting? According to the stories, he was Heaven’s greatest warrior.”

“Torture, Zerachiel. Torture,” Naomi’s voice was predatory. “Not a hint of what Castiel used to be remains today. And we want to keep it that way.”

With that, Naomi unlocked the prison cell and led Zerachiel confidently inside.

Zerachiel gasped when she saw the figure before her. She couldn’t understand how Naomi was so calm, because she was seconds away from running out of the cell in fright. At the same time, though, her feet were glued in place and she couldn’t imagine looking away, mesmerized by the sight in front of her.

The image was quite a gruesome one. A man was kneeling on the ground in front of her, his arms encircled by cuff upon cuff until Zerachiel couldn’t tell where one chain ended and another began. The shackles were sparking, electricity dancing across the metal onto the corded flesh of the man’s upper arms. She could feel the sedative spells in the air, weighing down on the man. His body was muscular and handsome, but marred by scars, some fresh and bleeding and others old and healed over. There was a metal contraption over the man’s head, also crackling with electricity. The man’s wings slumped down behind him, and Zerachiel could tell they used to be ink black and glorious. Now, they were matted and limp, and as massive as they were currently, Zerachiel could tell they were even larger drawn up.

Then, the man raised his collared head and looked her in the eye, and Zerachiel lost all semblance of fortitude. Describing his eyes as blue would akin to describing the sun as “hot” or atomic particles as “small.” Sufficient, but not accurate enough to encompass the full tidal wave of emotions hidden inside. The glacier-blue eyes felt like being in a lake full of frozen passion. They were captivating, but in a painful way. His entire life story was hidden in those eyes. There was determination, but fear. Stubbornness, but compliance. Power, but helplessness. Where there was once obvious happiness, only sadness remained. But, past all that, there was fight. A fight to survive. A fight not to let Heaven wipe him away. 

Naomi was wrong. Castiel was still in there. And he was fucking pissed.

“Well?” Naomi’s voice startled her.

“Well what?”

“Are you going to do what I brought you here to do?”

“What?”

Naomi sighed. “We need him for the mission. Reach out to him with your grace. Take control.”

“Oh. Okay,” Zerachiel’s voice quivered. She had given up trying to control her wings.

Slowly, she reached out to him, and touched his grace, just a barest flutter. He didn’t respond. Carefully, Zerachiel reached further and further in, searching for the essence of his mind. 

“What’s happening?” Naomi’s voice sounded odd, almost eager. 

“I’ve reached out to him. It’s easier than I expected—” Castiel’s grace tensed around her. Too late, she realized she had walked right into a trap. Castiel’s grace dug hooks into hers, forcing his pain onto her and drawing on her strength. Zerachiel screamed and fell to the ground, clutching her head.

Sparks flew around the room as Castiel physically broke his metal cuffs and drew up his enormous wings in a bloodcurdling display of power while Zerachiel seized and shook under him. All the while, Naomi stood to the side and watched.

Then, a voice, raspy and deep with disuse, spoke. “Dean.”

Emotion washed over Zerachiel—sadness and heartbreak and happiness and over all, love. Love so strong she sobbed on the ground. Love so strong she had never felt anything like it, not even towards God. Love so strong it could shake the cosmos. And all of it directed at one human.

Memories came to her in a surging wave: rescuing Dean Winchester from Hell, Castiel’s first encounter on Earth, beginning to doubt for Dean, meeting Samuel Winchester, falling for Dean, the pain of his wings burning, the joy of his heart thrumming in happiness, the feel of human clothes, the feel of Dean’s hand in his, the taste of food, the taste of Dean’s tongue, the beautiful scene of the Grand Canyon, the beautiful image of Dean’s, freckles, lips, messy hair, and gorgeous sleep-laden eyes in their bed, the sounds of birds early in the morning while jogging with Sam, the sound of Dean moaning underneath him, the smell of pie that Dean and Charlie laboured over, the smell of gunpowder and leather covering his trench-coat, Dean’s hands, Dean’s bowlegs, Dean’s imperfect, radiant soul, Dean, Dean,  _ Dean.  _ Thousands of these simple moments cascaded through Zerachiel’s mind, and she felt like she would burst any moment, overwhelmed. She didn’t understand how Castiel was capable of all of that pure love.

“Can you hear me, Zerachiel? What is he doing to you?” Naomi’s voice, though loud and harsh, was drowned out by Castiel’s weary croaks.

“Where is he? Where’s Dean? Where’s Sam,  _ where’s Dean? _ ” He sounded more panicked with every question. Castiel rounded on Naomi, fire burning in his eyes. “What did you do to me? What did you do to  _ them? _ ”

He stepped forward before Naomi snapped her fingers, and the metal brace surrounding Castiel’s head clamped down hard and started glowing in a pale imitation of a halo. Castiel screamed in pain before growing more lethargic, the spells taking their hold on him.

Zerachiel shook weakly on the floor and Naomi walked towards her. She was relieved, thinking she would finally get away from the force of nature next to her, until Naomi stopped and peered down at her, like a scientist looking at a particular interesting piece of data. 

“Well done. You’re the only one of angels who’s tried to control Castiel and survive.”

Wait… what? There were others? Zerachiel’s pain-stricken mind raced. “There was never a bunker, never a mission,” she grunted.

“Usually he overtakes their grace and kills them. He didn’t kill you, so I suppose we must be making progress.” Naomi crouched down next to her. “Of course, I can’t let you live. You know too much, and I need to keep Castiel here safe for as long as I can.” 

_ “I”, not “we”, _ Zerachiel noticed faintly.

The last sight Zerachiel ever saw before Naomi plunged an angel blade into her heart was Castiel’s ice blue eyes, looking down at her with pity, pain, and love for a man long gone.

**Author's Note:**

> So......what'd you guys think? I kinda liked how it turned out, I just think it would have been better if I could write more. Oh well.
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated, so if you liked this story, please let me know guys!
> 
> Also, I have a tumblr! your-average-nerd-7.tumblr.com plz come talk to me, I'm lonely. Joking. But if you wanna check that out, feel free!


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